Normally I let your father do the blogging. He is so talented with words and the way he expresses everything we are going through is simply amazing. But tonight as I lie in the bed and watch you sleep a part of me is breaking and I feel I must try and get the words out.
You are so strong and amazing! You are the most precious boy and it kills me that you have to go through this. I feel so helpless not being able to make this evil in your body disappear and take you home forever. I try to be strong everyday for you. Everything I do is for you. But every now and then I crumble.
As a parent you want only the best for your child. You want to protect them from evil and keep them safe. Unfortunately I failed you in this department. There is nothing I can do to keep this evil from you and I break inside with everything you have to go through.
The drugs and chemo to try and rid your of this disease come at a cost and you have been so brave and strong through it all. I hope with all of my being that you have no lasting effects from all of the poison we are putting in your little body, but deep down I know that is not likely.
I hope that you know so much love and that you never remember any of this time. We have your beaded journey, pictures and the blog so that you can see and learn just how strong you are, but I hope those are the only reminders for you.
It is so unfair that you have to go through this. You are a happy, cheerful, inquisitive and playful little boy and I hope you never lose those qualities. And I know that those qualities will help you to beat this horrible disease.
Everyday, I see you laugh and smile at the simplest things and I try to see the world through your eyes.
You are my heart and my everything. And I love you with everything I am.
Love always mom.