Tuesday, 4 February 2014

A word from mommy


Normally I let your father do the blogging. He is so talented with words and the way he expresses everything we are going through is simply amazing. But tonight as I lie in the bed and watch you sleep a part of me is breaking and I feel I must try and get the words out.

You are so strong and amazing! You are the most precious boy and it kills me that you have to go through this. I feel so helpless not being able to make this evil in your body disappear and take you home forever. I try to be strong everyday for you. Everything I do is for you. But every now and then I crumble. 

As a parent you want only the best for your child. You want to protect them from evil and keep them safe. Unfortunately I failed you in this department. There is nothing I can do to keep this evil from you and I break inside with everything you have to go through. 

The drugs and chemo to try and rid your of this disease come at a cost and you have been so brave and strong through it all. I hope with all of my being that you have no lasting effects from all of the poison we are putting in your little body, but deep down I know that is not likely.

I hope that you know so much love and that you never remember any of this time. We have your beaded journey, pictures and the blog so that you can see and learn just how strong you are, but I hope those are the only reminders for you. 

It is so unfair that you have to go through this. You are a happy, cheerful, inquisitive and playful little boy and I hope you never lose those qualities. And I know that those qualities will help you to beat this horrible disease. 

Everyday, I see you laugh and smile at the simplest things and I try to see the world through your eyes. 
You are my heart and my everything. And I love you with everything I am.

Love always mom.

4 comments:

  1. Dom is so lucky to have you both, and I'm sure he knows exactly how much you both love him! Be kind to yourselves, you're doing the best you can and you're doing it with such poise. This is an honest and lovely entry.

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  2. Sean and Trish,

    What a beautiful blog, Trish. Sean, thank you for sharing her heartfelt words.

    I just listened to your radio interview for the radiothon. Both of you are great story tellers and your honesty about what really happens brought tears to my eyes. You are so strong. Perhaps there are times that you feel you are weak when you let the emotions come out and when you express how horrible this journey is. It is not weak. It is the opposite. That takes strength and courage. Opening your hearts to release the pain will allow more love and support in. You can raise your heads with pride at how you have handled the many things you have to endure.

    Trish, please be gentle and easy on yourself. You did not cause this. You can't change it. Even from afar we can see how much Dom is surrounded by the love of you and Sean. We know you would give anything to have him not suffer and go through this. You said you love him with everything you are. Believe that you ARE giving him everything you are.

    I think the only think in this world that doesn't discriminate is cancer. It just doesn't care. And it isn't fair.

    As you start down the next part of your journey, I wish for you peace, hope and joy in each day.

    "Peace - it does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work, it means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart." unknown

    Keep breathing!

    Take care

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  3. You should be so proud of who you are as a mom.I have followed your journey since day one. I listened to you and sean on the radiothon. You both are amazing people. I admire your strength and positivity during this difficult time. I will continue to pray for all of you.Even though I dont know you personally just remember on your toughest days Im cheering you on.

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