Thursday, 31 December 2015

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times

Well, that's it. Goodbye 2015. You asshole.

There was a lot of good to remember from this year. We lived the best we could and though our memories of Dom will be our last, at least we had them. We made the most of them.

We didn't put up any Christmas lights. No tree. We ate dinner Dec. 25 at a burger joint in Las Vegas, after downing foot-long margaritas for lunch. Aside from some carolers and the odd Santa begging for change, you'd have hardly known what time of year it was there. Bright lights are 24/7 in Sin City anyhow, though it was funny being the only ones not wearing jackets on the strip.

We finally got his toys pared down and given away. There were about two carloads full of them that went to various agencies in Medicine Hat. And we still kept a lot, ones that are meaningful to us or that we'd want to use again if we ever got the chance.

We found some old paintings he did, so we got them framed. We got some of the things from his wish trip to Vancouver last January into a shadow box, and did the same with some of the Extra Life memorabilia we've collected.
There's not much to say about how we're doing other than we're surviving. Trish is now volunteering at a couple places but she'll go back to work in May; I've been back to work since a week past the memorial service. No point in sitting around doing nothing.

That doesn't mean we're happy. This has been the most depressing holiday ever, and that's with all the fun we had in Vegas. You might be having a good day but seeing one happy family, one mention of the fact that your family is missing one member, is enough to ruin it. Then on another day the same things might have no effect. There's no way to know in advance. So you just roll with whatever comes.

What does 2016 have in store? The return trip to Orlando in February is all I see. Beyond that, I have no clue. I'd say it can't be any worse, but in many ways it can't be any better, either.

That's the toughest part about all of this. We have to cherish the good things that happened, and there were many. He basically had two wish trips, even if the second ended tragically and far too soon. We were told last Christmas the end was coming, which wound up being a blessing even if it was wrapped in agony. People showed us so much love and we were able to see that paid forward to charity, something we'll keep doing in the future.

We're having friends over for New Year's Eve tonight. They'll be here soon. And wouldn't you know, the next song that just came on from my playlist is perfectly apt for the situation:

"I get by with a little help from my friends."

Thanks for sticking with us.

5 comments:

  1. You've had a tough year and I hope 2016 will bring some smiles to you.

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  2. Wishing you both blessings, love & happiness in 2016. You've endured the worst for any parent in 2015, but you've both maintained a level of dignity & grace that you should be very proud of. You've surely set a standard for all other parents to live by when it comes to loving our children to the fullest. All the best.

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  3. I always love reading your updates, and think of you two often. You are the most awesome people around - and you deserve great things. Dom wants you to win!!! Probably the first year of holidays is the hardest, I'm hoping it gets easier for you two. Best fulfilling wishes for 2016.

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  4. You find your way somehow in the fog of loss and grief. For me it is about letting happiness in sometimes, even when it feels like I should never be happy again. It's lovely to see you both and to have this place to think about Dom and all the moments of love and joy you shared with us. Wishing you peace.

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  5. Hoping each day, week, month, year gets a little easier... Glad you were able to have some fun in Vegas!

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