Now that we're finally starting to breathe again, so is the house. Slowly.
His door remains closed but for a sliver. Trish leaves a dim blue light on in there, and his urn remains sitting in his crib. But the other rooms, we're tearing through them one at a time, discarding or cleaning or giving away what remains.
Now that the Christmas season is upon us, the pain has started to intensify. There are more triggers, with every commercial showing happy families, every decoration reminding us that, yes, last year was his last Christmas, and things will never be as easy for us again.
Not that we can't be happy. It'll be no doubt bittersweet to know that some of his old toys we donate will create many more smiles and warm hearts. But we're not rushing that either, knowing the process of sorting them into piles - keep, give to charity X, charity Y, give to friends - will be tough, too.
Lately the work is all about getting rooms manageable; you know, so you can actually walk into them without feeling you're going to wind up buried in stuff or on the next episode of Hoarders. Turns out it's not that hard. We really did just throw things in the rooms, a lot of large cardboard boxes containing small items. Recycle the cardboard, amalgamate what's left and you're good to go.
Our friend Angie is visiting again this week. We met at the Alberta Children's Hospital because her daughter was diagnosed with leukemia and are now super close with her and her husband Will. The last time she came, her and Trish went through all of the extra medical supplies we were left with, cataloged them and gave them away via an Alberta Children's Hospital parents group.
This time we'll start tackling the toys. And some wine. OK, there might need to be wine first.
When is Christmas over again? But really, there's always another date coming. I think the worst days are already over. Not that the ones to come aren't hard, but we've proved we can get through it.
Nothing like a good house cleaning to make you feel better.
SEAN AND TRISH.
ReplyDeleteALTHOUGH I DON'T THINK WE'VE EVER MET. DOM WEIGHS HEAVILY IN MY HEART. I HAVE NOT EXPERIENCED THE DEVISTATING LOSS OF A CHILD, BUT HAVE A PARENT. LAST NOVEMBER, 4 DAYS BEFORE MY BABY SISTER GOT MARRIED; OUR MOM, WHO BATTLED A 22 YEAR LONG FIGHT WITH BREAST CANCER PASSED AWAY. WE JUST WENT THOUGH ALL OF MOM'S THINGS IN OCTOBER. THE FIRST YEAR WAS BRUTAL. I'M NOT GOING TO LIE. IT WAS AWFUL. BUT, WE MADE IT. WE MADE IT THROUGH THE FIRST YEAR, AND NOW, THINGS ARE A LITTLE EASIER. JUST A LITTLE. WE JUST HAD TO MAKE IT THROUGH THE "FIRSTS".
WE ARE MAKING A BUNCH OF HER SHIRTS INTO BUNNIES (FOR MY KIDS, MY DAD, MY SISTERS, AND I), AND SOME THINGS INTO THROW PILLOWS FOR US TO HUG WHEN WE JUST NEED A MOM HUG. I GUESS WHAT I'M TRYING TO SAY IS, TAKE YOUR TIME. DON'T RUSH. TAKE BABY STEPS. YOUR DOING GREAT. ONE ROOM AT A TIME.
I can't imagine the pain involved in packing up everything. I think you two are doing an amazing job of handling everything.
ReplyDeleteWords cannot describe. I can't imagine the pain you are going through. My heart breaks every time I read a new post...
ReplyDeleteSean and Trish, you are absolutely amazing.
You two are amazing - and as much as maybe it doesn't feel like it now, I hope things do get more manageable as time goes on. You've both shown there's absolutely NOTHING that can stop you two. You're inspiring and so strong, and I'm sure there's a lot of good things that do lie ahead for you in your future.
ReplyDeleteBreathe , be clear and thoughtful about each little treasure. Know that the joy that one of your precious boys belonging will bring is far greater than we can imagine. We know as we have walked this painful yet Honorable journey as well. No rush love is forever. Another mama
ReplyDeleteWishing you strength. I hope you can enjoy some of your Christmas, even though it will be hard on you. Hugs!
ReplyDelete